The No. 1 thing that keeps relationships strong

Ask anyone what they think keeps a relationship strong, and they’ll likely tell you it’s love. There is some truth to that: love is what brings us together in the first place.

But after years of studying couples as a psychologist, and as a husband, I realized something research He constantly stresses: The real factor that keeps couples together, long after the honeymoon phase has faded, is compromise.

Love alone is not enough

Psychologists Defines Love as an emotion. Like all emotions, love fluctuates with stress, sleep, health, and thousands of other factors that make up our daily lives.

So you can love your partner deeply and still feel annoyed, frustrated, or angry with them. Love will not protect you from conflict, nor will it resolve your differences.

For this reason, even the happiest couples argue and face difficult problems, no matter how much love they have for each other. The difference is that strong couples know that love can’t fix everything, but compromise can.

The psychology of compromise

Compromise occurs when you balance what you want, what your partner wants, and what is best for the relationship itself.

Every couple brings together a set of customs, values and experiences. Expecting perfect alignment is unrealistic. Instead, healthy couples learn to negotiate their reality. They turn “my way” and “your way” into “our way.”

But compromise only works when it is rooted in strong feeling we.

research Shows that couples who describe their conflicts using “we” language (we decided, we to speak, we I discovered that) I feel more connected and content after disagreements. When both partners see compromise as a joint effort, rather than a loss, it strengthens their bond.

What does settlement look like in real life?

Compromise doesn’t always sound romantic. Sometimes, that means agreeing to watch a movie you would never have chosen. Other times, it means listening to your partner vent about something while resisting your desperate urge to offer solutions.

In my marriage, I’ve learned that a relationship rarely requires huge sacrifices. Instead, you’ll be given the choice of whether or not you want to meet your partner halfway.

Today, he may be the one who takes care of household tasks. Tomorrow, it might be about how you spend your evening together. Next month, it may be about how you navigate your family vacations. This might involve finding a compromise, exchanging roles, or agreeing to something else that neither of you has thought of.

What matters is that you are heard and respected, and that no one feels like they have to “win” or “be right.” When you always make room for each other’s needs, you’ll build something that love alone rarely does: reliability.

Mark TraversPh.D., is a relationship psychologist. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is a senior psychologist at Awake therapya telehealth company that provides psychotherapy, counseling, and training online. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, therapytips.org.

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