I've studied over 200 kids—parents who raise mentally strong children never do 7 things

As parents, our job is to give our children the tools they need to face conflict without breaking down.

I studied more 200 Parent-child relationshipsAnd I am a mother myself. My goal has always been to teach children how to deal with difficult emotions and move forward. Mentally strong children They know how to regulate their emotions, trust themselves, and rebound after setbacks. This kind of power is built at home, in the everyday moments between parent and child.

Here are seven things you should avoid if you want to raise mentally strong children.

1. Saving children from all conflict

Children build resilience through learning that can get them through difficult situations. When you rush to solve every problem, you deprive your child of flexibility. Let them wrestle with discomfort while remaining present as their safe base.

What to do: Clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour says Children who regularly face age-appropriate challenges build stronger emotional regulation over time.

If your child forgets their homework, let them face the natural consequences instead of driving it to school for them. Then talk about what they learned and how they can plan differently next time.

2. Trying to provide a model of perfection

It’s okay to lose your temper sometimes. But parents who raise mentally strong children don’t pretend that something didn’t happen — or blame the child for “making” them react.

Mental strength happens when you overcome problems without destroying confidence.

What to do: If you become upset with them, say, “I was nervous and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.” Your child will learn that mistakes do not end relationships, and that taking responsibility is strength.

This is an example of what experts call “Rupture and repair“, a foundational concept in communication and emotional intelligence.

3. Silencing big feelings

Suppressing big emotions like anger or sadness teaches children to fear their emotions. Strength comes from knowing that difficult emotions can be controlled.

This is also where children practice social flexibility. If they know that anger or sadness will not destroy your bond, they are more willing to face rejection or conflict with their peers.

What to do: When your child is upset, avoid saying, “You’re okay.” Instead say, “I know this really hurts. I’m here with you.” Your calm presence teaches them that feelings are not emergencies.

4. Honor achievement

A child who only feels his worth when he succeeds will crumble under pressure. Mentally strong children know that their worth does not depend on grades or awards.

What to do: studies Perfectionism appears to be on the rise in children, which is linked to anxiety and burnout in adolescence.

After you get a bad grade, avoid saying, “You’re smarter than that.” Instead, say: “I’m proud of the effort you put in. Your grade does not define you.”

5. Hoarding power

Authoritarian parenting It looks strong but breeds weakness. When children never have a voice, they learn to either break down or rebel. True power grows when they are called upon to make decisions, knowing that their voice matters.

This is also how children develop independence: they practice independence while staying connected to your guidance.

What to do: Research shows Giving children a sense of control builds motivation and reduces power struggles. Let your child choose between two tasks or help him decide what to have for dinner. Small choices build confidence.

6. Make children feel responsible for your emotions

Some parents unwittingly expect their children to be organized they Relieve stress by calming them down. This emotional role reversal is harmful.

What to do: Instead of saying, “You’re making me sad,” try saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I need a moment to calm down.” It is not your child’s job to manage your nervous system.

7. Glorifying exhaustion

Children who are raised to glorify productivity become exhausted adults. Show them that power involves knowing when to pause, recharge, and value themselves beyond consistent production.

When you establish rest, you learn body awareness: how to recognize and respond to stress signals before fatigue.

What to do: Say: “I’m going to rest for 20 minutes. Taking care of myself helps me feel better.”

Brainpower is about helping kids face difficult things, feel their feelings, take responsibility, and rest easy—knowing that they are deeply loved for who they are.

Reem Rawda He is a pioneering and creative voice in conscious education FoundedA step-by-step guide that helps parents heal and become emotionally secure. She is widely known for her expertise in children’s emotional well-being and for redefining what it means to raise emotionally healthy children. Contact her on Instagram.

Do you want to be your own boss? Enroll in CNBC’s new online course, How to Start a Business: For First-Time Founders. Get step-by-step guidance for starting your first project, from testing your idea to increasing your revenue.